Thoroughly Uninspired

            The other day a friend of mine and I painted a wonderful castle in the sky. It was a picture of a little hole in the wall coffee shop, the walls covered with artwork created by my dearest friends, my friend behind the counter, and me, nestled in the corner, hunched over a computer, writing brilliant thoughts. There would be other people in the coffee shop, of course, but they would serve only as inspiration to my scribbles. Once I became uninspired, the coffee shop would close, only to reopen the next day as I once again moved in to write insufferably creative things on my computer, fingers flying over the keys as the sheer originality flows from my brain.

            Ha. That’s funny.

            I love painting romantic pictures in my head. But currently. I am thoroughly uninspired. Rather than flowing, purring along like a little yellow sports car, my thoughts are lurching along like my best attempts to drive a stick shift. Rather than focusing in on one brilliant thought, I am jumping from document to blog to photo to facebook, trying desperately to find inspiration.

            The ol’ brain’s shut down today, apparently.

            Writing is beautiful when it works – when the words really do flow. Sometimes my mind becomes captivated by a picture, by a phrase, by an idea, and from there it seems like I myself am not even writing. It’s like I’ve been possessed by the spirit of beautiful writing and when I am finished.. I am amazed that such things could really have come out of my brain. The best writing reveals thoughts and emotions you didn’t even know you had.

            Well. I guess I don’t have any thoughts today.

            Come on, brilliant writing fairy. Sprinkle some of that dust on me. Throw some thoughts over here. Ok, brain, ready? You can do this. Ready… set…. Brilliance! Oh, that didn’t work? What a shock. Well. It was worth a try.

            My piano teacher always used to tell me that when you’re an artist, there will be days when things just work out great, when everything flows, when it comes easily and you hit every note. And yeah, those days are great. But you don’t actually learn anything from them. In fact, it’s the days when everything seems to be going wrong that you learn the most. You cannot run from those days, because it’s those days that teach you how to endure, how to work. To be utterly clichéd and unoriginal, talent is never enough. Ok, just kidding. It’s never ok to use that cliché. One cannot simply sit around waiting for inspiration to strike. You have to run, even on the days you don’t want to. You have to push yourself.

           

            Basically, you have to grow a pair, man up, and stop being a baby.

            Life isn’t inspiration in coffee shops. It’s late nights and too many cups of coffee, head in hands, ripped up flannel, staring out windows, fits and starts, missteps, mistakes, some incredibly dumb writing, some horrible clichés, headaches, too many trips to facebook and twitter, frustration, laughter, giving up, taking breaks, five different Pandora stations in ten minutes, ranting about nothing, staring at computer screens, noticing the chips in nail polish, trips to the bathroom after too much coffee, shifting position every two seconds, fighting desperately to focus when it’s the last thing you want to do.

            And all these things later… you might come away with something worth reading.

            Sigh.

            I freaking love writing.