An Explanation of Sorts...

For all of my faithful followers... (which may in fact be limited to my boyfriend, my parents, and my best friend. but hey, you've gotta start somewhere, right?)

You may have noticed that I changed the name of my blog. And I finally added an "about me" by that there picture of my feet to your right. I know, it's unbelievably exciting and I'm sure you're on pins and needles waiting to read my explanation. I know it's hard, but try to contain your excitement. Here's the story.

There's a song that I absolutely love called Overcome, performed by Desperation Band. I heard it at The Ransom (one of my favorite places on earth. I'm still trying to write something that will capture that place and what it has done for me. if you haven't been there. GO! This Sunday. 9 and 11am)

Anyway, here's the lyrics.

Verse::1

Seated above, enthroned in the Father's love
Destined to die, poured out for all mankind
God's only son perfect and spotless one
He never sinned, but suffered as if he did

Prechorus
All authority, every victo-ry is Yours
All authority, every victory is Yours

Chorus
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/d/desperation_band/overcome.html ]
Savior, worthy of honor and glory, worthy of all our praise, You overcame
Jesus, awesome in power forever, awesome and great is Your name, You overcame

Verse::2

Power in hand speaking the Father's plan
You're sending us out, light in this broken land

Bridge
We will overcome by the blood of the Lamb
And the word of our testimony, everyone overcome

So. The other night was simply a bad night. I was overwhelmed by a feeling of restlessness, which I am convinced is the worst human emotion. It is, to me, simply a compilation of all the worst feelings - anger, bitterness, sadness, discontentment. All wrapped up in one terrible ball that lodges itself in your heart and won't let you function. And it simply grows like a cancer until you feel you will explode.

It makes me just want to run.

And the other night, I did explode. I broke. I cried, lashed out, and tried desperately to sort out what was making me feel this way. My saintly boyfriend tried valiantly to help me, remaining calm and patient even as I took out the worst of my restless tendencies on him. I am so thankful for him.

Finally. I simply said, Will you pray for me? And we ended up praying together for a good 45 minutes. He held me as I sorted out my peace with God. As I told Him all the things on my heart, all the things that are not saintly or beautiful, humble or Christian, but all the things that are true. I told God that I didn't really want to run to Him. I didn't want to submit to Him. I didn't really like what He was doing in my life right now. I really wasn't even happy with how He made me.

But as I talked, He spoke. As I poured out my heart, He filled me up again.

And my restlessness began to subside.

And the greatest thing is, my problems were still there. Nothing was solved. It wasn't tied up with a pretty little bow. Things weren't "alright." Because to be honest, I hate that phrase. Things are never alright. And there is absolutely no guarantee that things will ever be, "alright in the end."

But I was at peace. I had put my life back in God's hands. I had run to Him. And I knew He would hold me, even if everything wasn't "alright."

After we prayed, my boyfriend got out his guitar and simply said, "Something told me I needed to play this." And he sang this song.

I love this song. Because it will forever remind me of that night. It will forever remind me that things don't have to be alright. Because we will overcome. We will overcome by the blood of the Lamb, by the gift of His grace, by the strength of His love.

And we will overcome by the word of our testimony.

That phrase lives in my heart. It makes me believe that this passion I have for writing, this stirring in my heart, this is a gift. This is something that will make all of the difficult, painful, messy things in my life worthwhile. My words will help me overcome my past. And maybe, just maybe, by the grace of God, they will help someone else overcome too.

I entitled it the word of Our testimony instead of My testimony to remind myself that we are not in this journey alone. My family, my boyfriend, my dear, dear friends, even my coworkers and random customers, all of these people are on this journey with me. Whether or not they even share my faith, they can still teach me valuable things about my testimony, about my worth, my story, my Jesus.

So here it is. The word of our testimony. Our life, our love, our journey. We will overcome.