People

I’m fascinated by people.

Yes, that does sound strange and oddly creepy. But just think about it for a moment.

Each person you encounter on any given day has a story. They have a past, they have a life that they have lived, and they have hopes and dreams of the future they desperately desire, whether or not they believe they can ever actually achieve that future. They have hurts and joys, experiences that have shaped them into the person that they are. Just like you.

I work at Coffea Roasterie and Espresso Bar. Describing this place would need a whole other blog post about my journey into coffee snobbery, but for the moment, all that must be said is I encounter more people here than I ever have. Each day hundreds of souls walk through those doors, order their coffee, and walk out again. And it has started me thinking.

Who are these people?

And here’s the most beautiful thing about Coffea. We actually want to know. We don’t simply take orders and walk away. We engage, chat, and get to know the people who walk through our doors. We have more regulars than I could possibly imagine, and I’m convinced it’s not just because of our exceptional coffee. It’s because the people here really care. They will know you by name, talk with you. And actually care about the answer you give.

Being here, in this place, has taught me so much. The staff of this place is second to none. It honestly humbles me that I work here and was considered someone who will fit in among the exceptional group of people who work here.

And so, it has gotten me thinking about people.

I used to think I was an introvert. I was painfully shy growing up and, to be quite honest, since painful honesty seems to be the theme of this blog, was pretty bad at talking to people. I was kind of that typical unsocialized home-schooler.

Whenever someone says, “Oh, you were home-schooled? I wouldn’t have guessed,” it’s basically the highest compliment I can receive. I never want to be that again.

So yep, that was me. I know. It’s embarrassing. And it haunts me to this day. I’m afraid of being that person, but I know that person is still there. I’m so thankful to Christ for setting me free from that, and for making me new. He has made me into the person I was meant to be.

And the person I was meant to be is fascinated by people. Because before, I was just afraid of them. I avoided meeting new people or really any situation in which I wasn’t completely comfortable with all the people I was with. So basically I avoided most situations with… people.

I started to come out of my shell when I came to college. I was honestly excited to come to USF and meet new people. It was a fresh start and I was determined to make the most of it. I met a great group of friends that I treasured and had a lot of adventures with that first semester. And while it was hard to grow those friendships, I was so happy and so thankful. I was on the right track.

Then I took a two-year detour. I met a guy second semester and ended up dating him until fall of my junior year. Quick summary: He was verbally and emotionally abusive and completely controlling. Over the course of our relationship, he ended up basically cutting me off from all but one of my friends as well as my parents. He was my only relationship.

And yes, I know how completely unhealthy that was. When I broke up with him, I basically started from the ground up rebuilding my life and relationships. Thank God He placed some of the best people I could have asked for in my life.

One of the most harmful thing I inherited from that relationship was complete pessimism about people. Basically, everyone he encountered had some sort of vital flaw that kept them from being good enough for his friendship. He put down everyone he encountered without ever giving them a chance.

I adopted this pessimistic view of people. It was made worse by my severely depleted self-esteem and so I basically thought people were jerks who didn’t/wouldn’t like me.

It was a rough two years. What can I say.

So that’s the background.

Fast forward to now.

Applying to Coffea. Interviewing at Coffea. Starting at Coffea. These were all huge steps for me. It honestly scared the shit out of me. I was afraid that the old Esther would arise and I would be drained by being around all these people all the time. Customers, coworkers, it would all be too much and I would walk away from each shift drained and saddened.

People used to drain the life out of me.

But now, now the opposite is true. I am fascinated by people. I want to learn about them, know their stories, their lives, their thoughts. And yes, it’s still hard for me sometimes. Sometimes I come to work and simply don’t want to talk to anyone. Sometimes I still stand awkwardly, not knowing what to say. Sometimes people do drain the life out of me.

But here’s the change. (And yes, this post is a bit scatterbrained. Bear with me) First of all, I’m ok with myself. In order to interact with people, I had to believe that I was someone worth interacting with. My view of myself, so badly damaged by an abusive relationship, had to be repaired and replaced. I had to be set free to become who I was created to be. And I had to come to terms with who I was created to be.

Believe me, that’s quite a process.

But here’s the other thing that had to change. I had to care about these other people. I had to understand that all these people are stories. They are lives, they are beautiful. Each person is a story, and each story is worth hearing. Each interaction is an opportunity, a gift.

Because here’s something else I’ve learned. We need people. We simply cannot function by ourselves. People are not a burden, they are a gift, a necessity for life.

And for me, that’s been an important distinction. I don’t think about people like objects that have to be dealt with, put up with, and worked around. They are people, just like me, who are on a journey. They have a self, a self they were created by God to be. And whether or not they have fully discovered that themselves, that self is worth discovering.

I am so thankful for the people in my life who have helped me discover who I truly am. Who took the time to see that person in me before I even knew it was there myself.

I still have trouble with people sometimes. But what it boils down to. Is that I am a beautiful person, created by God, with a story worth telling and thoughts worth sharing. And so is every person I encounter. And that takes away the fear. That sets me free from that nervous, uncomfortable feeling that always used to settle in my gut when I was around people.

And you know what’s amazing? When you believe people are beautiful, when you take the time to learn about them, learn their story, learn who they truly are.. they surprise you. With their beautiful, messy, fascinating, complex selves.

People are beautiful. Believe it. It makes life more interesting.

You are beautiful too. Believe that. It makes life absolutely beautiful.